There seems to be nothing but bad news in the news lately......soooooo....being the blatant stealer of ideas that I am...I thought maybe I would steal an idea from Gayle
and her Fractured Fridays...only this will be Troubled Thursday's...with a twist. Thanks Gayle. Lord knows we could all use a good laugh.
*Warning* The following may contain material unsuitable for the politically correct.Please refrain from viewing and go back to sending your money to Gore and the Global Warmin freak set. The less money in the hands of idiots like you guys, the better.
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"The kid replies, "Yeah."The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain "Man! My hands are really freezing!"She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."He does, and again that warms him up.After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"She looks at him and says, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON'T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?"
A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquires. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responds. The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer.""Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."
And....what do these two have in common???
Per Ardua Ad Astra