Thursday, May 03, 2007

Troubled Thursday






Seeing as Gayle was so nice to point out that I must do this every Thursday...LOL...here's this weeks edition. These are some examples of what can happen in translation....some funny...some real.






*Warning* The following may contain material unsuitable for the politically correct.Please refrain from viewing and go back to sending your money to Gore and the Global Warmin freak set. The less money in the hands of idiots like you guys, the better.






There were a group of archeologists who dug up a line of hieroglyphics that were, from left to right: a dog, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. After years of study they came up with an explanation. They believed that this was a very wise group of people. First, they knew man had to have company, hence the dog. Next, they knew that they needed animals to help with work, so the donkey. The shovel was there because of their advanced knowledge of tools. Next, they knew that they had to eat, and that fish were the best source of food. Finally, they were a religious group and knew man had to have religion.
After the explanation, a man jumped up and said, "You fools, Hebrew is read from right to left! It says 'Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that bitch!






When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.



Ummmmm....wonder why sales dropped!






Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."






The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgracful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!






And some pics....























And for us Albertans....

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Forget Hockey!!!

This is the mecca of professional pillow fighting.
Actually, it's the shop of Stacey P. Case. By day, he prints posters and T-shirts. By night, he is commissioner of the Pillow Fight League (PFL). P. Case? Yeah, right.
Is this a sham, pardon the expression?


No. This is for real. Real,live pillow fighting! For bucks and world champion bragging rights! Oh sorry guys. It's also ladies only.

A joke? Not judging by that slugfest on a mat in the middle of the shop. A lanky redhead named Sister Resistor is trying to beat the tattoos off dark, steely Ursula Anvil.
Their weapons are pillows, the kind you used to clobber your kid brother.
But this ain't no slumber party.
Though just practice, Sister Resistor, 32, appears intent on maiming Ms Anvil, 22.


And just for anybody wondering,these are not strippers or ladies of the night. Ursala is a seamstress.
Betty Clocker? "I'm an editor," she says. For a big financial wire service. She juggles first-quarter results with training for her bout on Tuesday against rookie Layna Beaton.

And brand newcomer Melissa Biscardi? "I start my PhD in September. I'm a registered nurse."
Perfect. Pro pillow fighting is no cushiony game.
A nurse will come in handy.


And don't laugh. There have enquries from Australia,Germany,Japan and Ireland about expanding the PFL to those countries. New York State has already banned it! Something about only being able to use your hands to fight with in state sanctioned bouts.

Just something to think about as you cuddle up with that pillow tonight.

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Friday, April 27, 2007

Who's Money?

Green plan's cost pegged at $8-billion a year
Environment Minister defends price hikes on cars and appliances as necessary sacrifices

So Mr. Baird. Are you giving up your car? Are you going to start cooking your dinner over the fire pit?

"The prices for consumer products like vehicles, natural gas, electricity and household appliances could go up. But it's a small price to pay to ensure a lasting environmental legacy for future generations," Mr. Baird told a press conference.

You, Mr.Baird,are a hypocrite. Start cutting back on pollution,then you might get my attention. Global warming? So you think you can stop the sun from influencing our enviroment? Forgive me Mr.Baird. I did not know you were God.

Read the whole thing.It stinks,and I mean stink from a politicians mouth

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Are We Having Fun Yet?



There seems to be nothing but bad news in the news lately......soooooo....being the blatant stealer of ideas that I am...I thought maybe I would steal an idea from Gayle and her Fractured Fridays...only this will be Troubled Thursday's...with a twist. Thanks Gayle. Lord knows we could all use a good laugh.
*Warning* The following may contain material unsuitable for the politically correct.Please refrain from viewing and go back to sending your money to Gore and the Global Warmin freak set. The less money in the hands of idiots like you guys, the better.
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"The kid replies, "Yeah."The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain "Man! My hands are really freezing!"She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."He does, and again that warms him up.After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"She looks at him and says, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON'T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?"

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquires. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responds. The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer.""Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."

And....what do these two have in common???










































Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Good News

Now here is something to be happy about.

Trudeau bid threatened by double team

Justin Trudeau's bid for the Liberal nomination in Montreal's working-class riding of Papineau could be derailed this weekend by a common front against him by his two opponents.
He decided to seek the nomination in February, initially running afoul of party leader St├ęphane Dion, who had a preferred female candidate lined up for the riding.
Since then, the 35-year-old has also angered his opponents in the nomination battle.
Because he's seen as an interloper from his tony Outremont neighbourhood, there are suggestions of a backroom deal in which the likely second- and third-place candidates would combine to upset Trudeau on a second-ballot vote Sunday.
"It's an anybody-but-Trudeau story," a local Liberal organizer told the Star. "The thing that will make the difference is the deal making."


Thank you. The last, and I mean LAST, thing this excuse for a country needs is another Turdeau (not a spelling error) anywhere near power. Hey Justin, you like Fidel and his regime so much, why don't you move there? Oh. Maybe because he would take your useless pussy balls and shove them up your ass?
And while you are talking to those ethnic groups,why don't you ask them why they are killing our soldiers? What? Question to hard for you? You are nothing more than a repressed commie,same as Daddy. I say keep steppping on you, until you are down to the level of the rest of us plebes. Or go join your buddy DeYawn in Fwance. Canada is better off without both of you.

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Heroine

Another sad reminder of what our Forces give to this country, not only in Afghanistan,but at home.


Roxanne LaLonde was on her way home Saturday evening when she saw her friend, Kellie Galipeau, standing in the middle of the road waving her arms and screaming as her 15-year-old son was swept through the frigid waters of the Rideau River.
Without a second thought, she kicked off her sneakers and ran into the water, only to drown while trying to save Grant Galipeau.


Roxanne was a 32 year-old Master Seaman in the Canadian Forces. Unfortunately, her valiant effort was in vain, Galipeau also died.


Not being of the Navy persuasion, I still wish upon you Fair Winds And Following Seas.


May God keep you and RIP
Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Friday, April 20, 2007

Kyoto Kool-Aid

First, my apologies for not posting more often. Been really hectic here lately.

Now...on with the show.

I always knew there where a few Lieberals/Dippers here in Alberta, but I thought the Calgary Sun had gotten rid of this one. Sigh....guess not.

Al Gore's coming to town -- let the character assassination commence.
It's a tactic Gore's become accustomed to, employed by increasingly desperate foes at war with reality.

Sir John Houghton, considered one of the world's top climate change minds, calls Swindle "bad science" and dismisses its contention the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change process has muzzled debate.

There is lots more of this drivel, but just two quick thoughts.....If the IPCC does not muzzle debate, then how do they explain that they have "2,500 scientific signatures" when if you take all the names, twmplate and word process them for duplicates,names requesting removal,etc, you come up with 403? UMMMMMMMM. AND ONLY 26 are ACTUAL,ACCREDITED scientists in ANY earth study.

And Bill. The tactics that you accuse us denier's of using against your Kult? Methinks you have gotten your glasses on backwards.

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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